It’s all about the braise

It’s all about the braise

By Bobby Neal Winters

I don’t talk about sports.  This is a handicap of mine.  Everybody needs something that you can talk about that at the end of the day there is not going to be blood lost over.  We rule out politics and religion as topics for polite conversation in broad groups.  This leaves sports.  You can talk about sports if you are a genius or if you are not a genius. I have listened in on these conversations when both ends of the spectrum were represented and neither end had an advantage over the other.  It is democratic.

I have developed a couple of areas that I can go to if I am forced to talk to people:  Netflix and Barbecue.  As not everybody has Netflix, I wind up talking about Barbecue a lot.

Those of you who are broadly traveled will realize this is not as safe as it might sound.  There are schools of barbecue, and, while I do not have an exhaustive knowledge of these schools, I am aware that there is quite a bit of passion associated with some of them.

Full disclosure: my favorite kind of barbecue is whatever is in front of me.  After we’ve talked a little longer, I will give you a more direct answer, but we need to lay a framework first.

Speaking broadly, I am familiar with Southern-style barbeque, Texas-style barbecue, Brazilian barbecue, and Kansas City barbecue.  These are listed in order of familiarity.  Of these types, I have only run into fanatics among proponents the first three. By “fanatic” I mean someone who will say “Only my barbecue is really barbecue.”  And those who say it say it in the same tone a religious fanatic will say “You people are all going to Hell!”

If you have ever been part of one of these conversations, you know that what I say is true.

For the people who take this attitude about southern barbecue, it is all about the meat.  In their metaphysics, one cannot barbecue beef.  Barbecued beef is simply something that does not exist. Barbecue is about pork and chicken.

Texans, by way of contrast, do recognize beef as a barbecue-able meat.  They have some things to say about the sauce and some things to say about the sides. However, in my humble opinion, it is because it is Texas-style that makes it best and they would defend eating human-flesh if that were the Texas-style.

Some Brazilians will dig their heels in about the sauce. “Good meat does not have to have sauce,” they will say. They don’t seem to appreciate that no meat is so good that a good sauce won’t make it better. (That having been said I have eaten some Brazilan picanha that was so good that it made me want to kiss the cow, the only sauce being its own warm blood.)

There are those among the Texan and Southern camp that are militantly against any sweetness in the sauce.

Now I said earlier that my favorite barbecue is whatever is in front of me.  This raises the question, what if there isn’t any barbecue in front of me?

Kansas City.

If Kansas ever has a war with Missouri, it should be to secure all of Kansas City within our borders so that we can claim Kansas City Barbecue as our own.  Burnt ends, in particular, would be worth the bloodshed.  Kansas City-style barbecue is ecumenical enough to embrace all of the other styles I have mentioned.

Within that Kansas City style, I favor Rosedale Barbecue if I am by myself or just with the missus and we are just running in and out. I like either Jack’s Stacks or Smokehouse Barbecue if I am with a group. Jack’s Stacks coleslaw is life-changing. Life-changing.  Formerly Oklahoma now Kansas City Joes is good, but it’s not as good with the standing in line part factored in.  Gates is quite good.  Arthur Bryants is the most overrated but it is still wonderful.  And then there is Q39....

The best thing about people who like Kansas City Barbecue is that the ones I’ve met don’t feel obligated to disparage anyone else’s favorite.  We all worship in our own way: Some with burnt ends and some with pulled pork.

Come to think about it, maybe politics and religion is safer.

Bobby Winters, a native of Harden City, Oklahoma, blogs at redneckmath.blogspot.com and okieinexile.blogspot.com. He invites you to “like” the National Association of Lawn Mowers on Facebook. )