Stand by Your Man

By Bobby Neal Winters

“I don’t belong to any man.”

This is something a woman could say and receive universal applause. Or almost.  A man could say, “I don’t belong to any woman.” And people would just knit their eyebrows.  They would be confused as to why he would say it.

But belonging to someone is not bad if viewed correctly. That is, if you take care of the things that belong to you. 

I’ve been doing some “historical research.” I’ve changed up the music I’ve been listening to in the garage.  I’ve heard all of the classic rock from the 70s and 80s too many times.  There are only so many times you can hear “Takin’ care of business” without pulling your hair out.

So I decided to go farther back into my roots than classic rock. I’ve gone country.  I’ve been listening to country music from the 50s and 60s.

It opened a door to a different world.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve heard all of these songs before, but I hadn’t even hit puberty yet when I had. When I heard Earnest Tubb singing “Walkin’ the floor over you” I thought he was singing to a neighbor downstairs.

People will talk about all of the progress that has been made in art. Artists--writers, songwriters--can just say nasty things right out.  But that’s the thing about old country singers.  They said it all, but not in a way that the kids could understand.  You have to have a bit of mileage--mileage on a rough country road--before you could understand.

It’s been the women country singers of that era who have really opened my eyes.  They were doing some true art. I am thinking of Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, and Patsy Cline in particular.  They were all contemporaries of my mother. (I’ll not say anything more about Patsy, but you’ve got to mention her.)

One of the things my mom said that I can still hear in my own head as if it were coming into my ears was, “It’s a man’s world and don’t you think it’s not.”  And she wasn’t particularly happy about it.  However, if you are going to live in a man’s world, then having a man is an important step.

Tammy Wynette sang “Stand by your man.” There have been some who’ve taken a disparaging view of that song.  Hilary Clinton comes to mind, in particular, but let’s just leave that alone.  For me, listening to “Stand by your Man” in close proximity to Loretta Lynn’s “Fist City” and “You ain’t woman enough to take my man” provides a different perspective.

Tammy is not saying “Stand by your man” just because that is the right thing to do.  She’s saying it because, as a woman, that man is her asset.  He belongs to her.  Her well-being to a great degree is dependent upon him.  It is in her own best interest to stand by him and try to improve him.

Loretta’s songs bring home that she really has no illusions as to her husband’s virtues.  She is amply aware that her husband is flawed. Amply aware. Consider “Don’t come home a-drinkin’ with lovin’ on your mind.”

But how dare another woman try to steal him.  Such as he is, he is hers. She has put in quite a bit of work improving him and how dare another woman presume to try to steal him now.

Tammy and Loretta provide a contrast. They were both propounding the same sentiment, but Tammy was ultimately married to five different men and Loretta only the one.  Was this because Tammy learned to spell “D-I-V-O-R-C-E”?  I don’t know.  

They walked their different roads, both of them going through the hills and hollers and neither of them paved.

The man-woman thing ain’t never been easy.  The idea of belonging to someone is something that chafes contemporary sensibilities. It needs to be rightly understood.  When someone belongs to us, we don’t control them: We take care of them.  We work for their betterment; we work for their good.  

Whether the country road is paved or not, it’s got to be a two-way street.

Bobby Winters, a native of Harden City, Oklahoma, blogs at redneckmath.blogspot.com and okieinexile.blogspot.com. He invites you to “like” the National Association of Lawn Mowers on Facebook. Search for him by name on YouTube.